remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
