New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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