How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
