i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
no you cant smoke seaweed
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
