I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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