No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize