Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
