my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Never joke about your clitoris.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
