Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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