Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
