Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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