singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
