4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize