i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
