Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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