Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just invented taco cereal.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
