Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
