The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
