she woke up with a sticky ear
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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