I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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