Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
