three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
