to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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