i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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