I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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