He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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