im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
