My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
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Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
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Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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