There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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