So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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