If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
