And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
