dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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