Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
