Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We have started to decorate penises.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
