If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
50% drunk capacity currently
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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