had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
