You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
