Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
