this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
