I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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