There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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