im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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