i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
