Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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