Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
