he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
