you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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