when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
