Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
