why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Randomize
