Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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