Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
