a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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