You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
