He had one of those small greek statue penises
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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