We're like a lot better than the average bears
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
