Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
