Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
