I wish you could order shots online.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
