covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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